It Takes A Bullet
by the.weakness
Summary: Back story of Andy Flynn. Reasons, love, bitter, and her. All reasons of his problem came from one bullet. Sobriety is nothing but a curse for the memory of her.
1. Rumors

**I know I shouldn't start another story until my others were finished, but I couldn't help myself. This is mainly about Andy. It's probably only going to be a few chapters long.**

**_No one knows his back story. All they know is he was a drunk and now he's not. _**

**I know this is short because A) I want to see if anyone will actually read it. B) If some people want me to continue. Review to tell me if I should please.**

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People knew rumors. They didn't know the whole story, at least not his.

The reason why he drank (became a drunk) was not out of a selfish act nor was it because his marriage ended so badly. In fact Andy was sober after he got divorced.

The settlement went well. He was able to see his kids three days every week. Who could complain about that? Some people only got to see their kids every other weekend or once a month. Andy was lucky to be able to see his kids at all since he was a busy cop that had little time to do anything.

That was the reason why he divorced too. His wife and he were never happy. They never fought or anything, there was just no love between them. Yes the L word. The one that makes up all relationships and happily ever after. They never got a happily ever after, but who's to say what a happily ever after is?

Andy was married for one reason and one reason only. He had twin daughters with his girlfriend. Like the good man his mother raised, he decided to marry her.

He was twenty-one year's sober today. You'd think he'd go celebrate with a non-alcoholic beverage, but it was a miserable day. All he wanted was to be left alone. Andy's decision to become sober after being an alcoholic for four years was based on that fact he was starting to forget the memory of her. Her smell; the way her hair fell onto her shoulders; the way they kissed without a care in the world as to who saw.

Sobriety was supposed to make him feel better about himself. In all honesty, sobriety was a bitch. It never let him drink the pain away of a broken heart. It was supposed to give a reason to move forward. What did he have to move forward with if he didn't have her?

Once a year, every year since twenty-five years ago he asked himself the same question. _What if it were me instead of her?_ That was usually the same question every person who grieved thought. What if it were me instead of them? Truly, it would have been just as bad the other way around. She probably would have been just as miserable as him today….

"Andy?" He jumped out of his past images of her and back to reality. "Do you have anything to share?" Brenda questioned with a cut to chase (in a kind of sweet way) tone. She eyed the item in his hands that he was staring at in the previous moment.

It was a photo of the beloved woman…. The one who would never be forgotten. Flynn looked up from the picture and in a self-conscious reaction; he stuffed the picture of her back into his wallet. "Nothing at all, Chief." He alleged with a fake smile to show he was okay when he truly wasn't.

Everyone watched Brenda and Flynn exchange in conversation. Provenza knew this day. He knew why his partner was so unhappy, or did he? Maybe like all the others, he didn't know Andy's story. Just rumors.

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**I will not reveal her name until probably the next chapter if I should continue. Thank you for reading!**


	2. Gold

**This story seemed to flow right out. Don't worry I won't abandon my other stories in fact right now I'm editing them because all of the mistakes that bother me. This chapter is longer than the other.**

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Provenza watched Andy try to make a pot a coffee. It wouldn't start. This left Andy leaning his head back. There was nothing he could do. It seemed like he was not only giving up on making coffee, but he was also giving up the day. "What's with the gloomy face?"

Flynn never realized his partner was standing there. He lifted his head up. On this day he seemed to over use a smile. "Noting, I just need a drink. Yeah that would be great."

Louie huffed, "That does sound good, doesn't it? But…" Provenza pointed to his best friend's AA ring. "Wouldn't want to throw away what that's worth, right?"

Andy looked down at his ring. Sometimes it wasn't worth it. Just one or two drinks and his sorrowed memories would be washed away. He couldn't do it. He not only promised to his kids and himself, but to her. He promised not to forget…everything…they had that was special.

_"Why?" She asked out loud trying to start conversation_

_"Why what?" He was driving around on patrol with her riding shot gun._

_"Why does every star burn out? Why do gas prices go up? Why do we have to go on patrol? Just why?" She looked over to him in a half serious, half flippant look._

_Out of her surprise, he laughed. When she complained, it always had a point. It also came with style. "Gas prices are going up? Well, shit!"_

_She gave him a glare. "Really? I'm being serious." She lightened up and resituated herself. "And yes they are."_

_He gave her a sideways grin. "All I'm saying is that we should be catching bad guys and be bad asses, but no we can't. We have to go on patrol as punishment."_

_"And Detective Hawthorne, how did we get into trouble-"_

_"Stop it right there. No going into to the royal 'we' crap." Andy watched her for a second with a look that would kill, or in this case, make her confess. "Okay let's make a quote shall we?" She puffed her chest out and made a deep voice. She stood up straight and began. "Detective Andy Flynn and Samantha Hawthorne, why must you two act like foolish idiots? I sentence you to patrol for a week." Her quoting wasn't entirely right, but in the end it got the same result. She got out of character. To make her final point she threw her hands in the air. "What no trial?"_

_"Red, why are you always a trouble maker?" Andy cocked his eyebrow up._

_"First and for most…stop calling me Red!" Flynn called her Red because when out in sunlight, the highlights in her hair blend to make an almost red. "Secondly, if I recall correctly, wasn't it always you in high school that got into trouble?" _

_"And weren't you always the goody two shoes that kissed up to every teacher?" They stared at each other, but he interrupted. "You know, you would have made a better lawyer."_

_Her face expression changed; almost saddening. Before anyone could say anything else, the radio came on. "I need all units on 67 Birmingham Street. West side of town. Someone is calling for a disturbance. Shot guns fired, so I caution: Be careful."_

_Andy flashed the lights on. "Guess it's time to prove 'we' aren't just troublemakers."_

_To have the last words Samantha said, "Again with the royal 'we'."_

"Like all good things, stars burn out." Flynn said while looking at the liquor on the shelves. This wasn't a good place to be; not now anyway. He gulped down a drink of his Cranberry soda.

Provenza set his glass of white wine down. "What?" He had no clue what Andy was talking about.

"It's nothing." Andy didn't want to explain a memory that was just theirs. No one else knew about, not even his closet friend would know about it.

"You've seemed…" Provenza was beginning to say, but stopped himself by a sip of his drink.

"I've seemed what?" Flynn cocked his eyebrow up wanting an answer. He was very curious.

Provenza waved his hand off while finishing off the last of his wine. "Oh nothing….Well alright. You've seemed so parted away from everything lately like disinterested. Are you feeling okay?"

Andy gave an eye roll. To anyone he would seem like he was depressed. He knew that was how he was acting, but was it what Provenza was thinking? "I'm fine."

"Okay, let's get this straight." Provenza turned the stool toward Flynn. "We've been partners for nearly how many years?"

Flynn knew it was a rhetorical question, but he managed to come up with a smart ass comment. "What, too old you forgot? I guess it comes with age."

"That is how I know you're lying!" Provenza was trying to make a point.

Andy nearly choked on a piece ice. "How?"

"You become cynical and come up with smart ass comments to hide your lies or feelings."

"You've been watching too much Doctor Phil" Andy was starting to enjoy his picking at Louie. Maybe picking on Provenza let some sort of release out. It made him forget the reason why he hurt so much. Sometimes just having a little fun (just a little) made him feel better about everything.

Louie did the same thing as Samantha when making a point. He threw both hands up for his final closing. "Okay don't tell me, but just don't let whatever this is eat you from the inside out. Don't let it give you the temptation to drink." Provenza was getting agitated, so instead of blowing up in public he paid his tab and walked away.

"She was beautiful." And sips on his drink as Provenza turns around.

"Who was?" Louie sat back down to hear Andy's story. He was very interested.

Flynn was hesitant to answer. He never said a word about her after she died. It was hard not to talk about someone he loved for twenty-five years, but he managed. "Samantha, her name was Samantha Hawthorne. We were partners when we were both in Robbery Homocide many years ago."

"And?" The old-aged man kept pushing his friend to tell him the _whole _story.

Andy looked over to bar to see all the liquor. This story was going to be long and every second that passed would give him a bigger desire to have a drink.

_The air was cold, but he was warm. She snuggled into his arms to keep from shivering. His body gave off heat like a thermostat. Their movie was over. The credits came on as the music slowed down and became quieter. She reached for the remote, but fell off the couch in the process. Sam thought Andy was asleep, but he wasn't. He was instead laughing at her while she got up. "It's not funny."_

_"Well I'm laughing." He continued laughing just to annoy her._

_She rolled her eyes "Ass," She walked toward the kitchen. All the while, Andy fell back to sleep on his back, and with his head resting on the couch arm. When she came back with a glass of water, she noticed quickly that he was snoring. Instead of waking him, she grabbed her camera. It was one of those picture taking moment that you couldn't miss. That was her hobby. On her free time all she would do was take pictures of random things._

_She straddled his lap. He never moved. Sam carefully moved his head in the perfect angle. After the picture was taken, she realized her mistake. She forgot to turn the flash off._

_He woke up. "What the…?"_

_"I'm sorry to wake you." She bit her bottom lip._

_Andy saw her act and commanded her, "Stop that."_

_"Stop what?" She tried to act so innocent._

_"You know exactly what." He grabbed her hips and pulled his closer. Andy dropped a kiss on her lips. She pulled away and savored it. Sam gave him a look. "What?" _

_She took a deep breath. "Remember that discussion we had a while back?"_

_"Yeah…" He didn't know where she was going with it._

_"I think we should go through with it."_

_He was taken aback. "Really? Are you sure? There is no pressure, Mrs. Flynn." No one knew they were married. They, a judge, and a witness down at city hall were the only ones who knew. It was recent by a month._

_"Yes, I'm one hundred percent sure." She smiled broadly._

_A smile crept across his face. "Yeah?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"Come here." The man pulled her close and started to kiss her neck. She was squirmish and giggling. _

_She gave him time to sit up. After he did, he picked her up and carried her to the bed._

Flynn paraphrased by just saying they were married, and no one knew. He wasn't quite ready to talk about her in general or her death. Provenza understood. "I'm gonna head back to the office. Maybe we can finish this later?" Provenza was hopeful.

"Yeah." It felt nice to release what he had been holding in for so long. Provenza walked away. Andy stayed a little longer. He stared at the alcoholic beverages with less temptation than before. When he made sure for the final time that Provenza was gone, he reached down his shirt. When his hand came up, he was holding a gold band on a gold chain. Anyone who knew him, knew he always wore a gold chain. What they didn't know was what was on the end of it. He realized he was missing something else. He quickly searched his pants pocket and still couldn't find it. That was when Andy went into a panic mode.

**This chapter was replaced recently with minor changes. Like the fact Louie is drinking white wine instead of beer. Little things like that.**


	3. Just Try

**I have one chapter left until this story is over. ****Thank**** you to those who R&R! Enjoy**

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Andy rushed back to his office. No one was there. He searched everywhere for it. Flynn dug through the desk, but couldn't find it. He looked under the desk, in his pockets; still nothing.

He raced down the hall and ran into the break room. Andy pulled everything out of the cabinets. He pulled all contents out of the trash can. Nothing; nothing was there.

Flynn put both hands on his head and swiveled his fingers through his hair. He turned around in confusion. After a three sixty turn, he kicked the empty can.

He heard a door open, but he turned his body to hide his shredded tears. Heels clicked the tile and then stopped. With his instincts, he heard the heeled person lift the trash can up. She never said a word of the mess or asked how it happened. Before Andy turned to apologize for the mess, he wiped his face twice with his hands.

"I'm so sorry for the-"Why was she here? It was bad enough seeing her during the day snooping around the murder room. "mess." He finished his sentence.

Sharon looked up. She saw hurt in his eyes. His eyes were puffy and sagging after what would only be caused by crying. "It's no problem, really." She proclaimed while reaching to put up the sugar.

"No it's not. It's just I'm looking for something very important to me." He hesitated. Andy thought about not asking her, but he desperately needed that item. "It was a photo of a woman with long brown hair. She was holding a photo of an ultra sound. It also was torn it the far corner. The picture was faded a little; I mean you could tell it was old." Andy began to over explain. "Have you seen it anywhere?" His voice cracked.

She paused a moment. It didn't cross her mind that when she came in there an hour ago, that that picture would have belonged to someone like him. She dug through he pockets, and pulled the torn picture out. "Is this it? I-"He snatched it from her hands, but not out of a rude act. He was just happy to see it.

Andy traced Sam's face with his pointer finger. Sharon continued to explain how she found it even though she knew it was pointless. "I found it behind the coffee machine a little while back. I came in here with a magnet about to put in the refrigerator for whom ever it belonged to could get it."

Flynn shot his head up. "I'm glad you didn't. I'm sorry, but this is very personal and no else needs to know." She nodded in agreement.

After a few awkward seconds, Sharon asked who the person was in the photo. He didn't want to tell her his story, but who would she tell. Andy led her to the chairs. They sat down, both with a coffee cup in hand. "She was my wife. Second actually."

"Oh." She didn't know that piece of information about him. No matter how many times she went through his file in IA she never found that out.

"Yeah, oh. Don't worry we were the same age. I was 33 and so was she."

_A black haired man leaned against the kitchen counter. A young woman was cleaning the dishes. "I'm not saying I'm giving up. We just need to take a break on this."_

_"Well it sure as hell sounds like it." She slammed a dish down into the sink. Sam had a miscarriage already two months ago. She wanted to try again, but Andy wanted her to catch a break. "All I want is to become a family." A tear fell down her cheek. Andy couldn't see it since she wasn't facing him. _

_He folded his arms. "Is that not what we are? You and me?"_

_"That's not what I meant and you damn well know it!" Her nose was stopping up._

_"Well then what do you mean? You sure as hell won't tell me anything-"_

_Sam snapped and turned him. "I want a baby dammit! I want something of ours to keep and love. A symbol of us."_

_Andy softened up and unfolded his arms. They had been trying since three weeks after the miscarriage. He walked toward her and tried to rest his hands on her shoulders. She wouldn't allow it._

_She stepped back from his embrace and sniffled. "I'm going to bed. I'm a little tired." Sam walked away._

_When she rounded the corner of their apartment, she cried quietly. Andy bowed his head. His palms covered his face. Why was he being this way to her? She didn't deserve it. He began to walk to the hallway closet. She raced to their room, so he wouldn't see her hurt. Andy pulled a blanket out of the hall closet along with a pillow. He thought it was best to sleep on the couch that night. _

_The next day Sam woke up and Andy was gone. She was glad he wasn't there or he would have seen her a mess. When woken up by nausea, she hurled into the toilet. It was a nasty scene. _

_She experienced it once before, so this could only mean one thing. _

_Hawthorne went into work around eight or so. She saw Andy talking to their superior officer. It's funny how long they have been married (and before dating) and no one knew about them._

_He glanced up from his conversation. Andy saw Sam working with a smile. Something was off. Flynn rushed the conversation so he could ask her what the deal was. "Um hm. Yeah, I understand…see ya later too." He walked cooly toward his wife. "So um, I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have been such a dick."_

_The smile disappeared from her face. She tried to hide the excitement. "I need coffee, would you like some, Detective?"_

_Andy was a little confused, but still he followed her down the hall to the break room. He shut the door, and stood next to it. She was brewing coffee. Andy pointed to where they were a few minutes ago even though she wasn't looking at him. "What was that all about back there?"_

_She was stirring the coffee trying to dissolve the sugar. "Oh...I ah…I needed to tell you something, and I don't want them to overhear and this become part of the rumor mill."_

_Sam turned to face him. A smile was dancing across her lips. She was still stirring her coffee. Andy just stood in front of her with one eye brow raised. Sam laughed causing him to jump. After she settled down, she began to stare at her cup and fiddle with the straw. "I'm ah…we're ah…" She looked up to say her final word. "Pregnant!"_

_When he didn't say anything or move after a few minutes, she got worried. "You know don't worry about it. I know you have more important things to worry about today. Forget I mentioned it, and we'll talk about it tonight." She walked away as fast as she could, so he wouldn't see her cry._

_As she walked past him, he grabbed her arm and spun her around. She was close to him now. Their faces were just a few inches away from each other. "You know I care." Andy said almost apologetically. _

_Sam raised her voice and lowered the tone. "I know you want this perfect little life and this perfect little family, and I'm trying…you see? I'm trying my hardest to give that to you, but you seem like you could care less." Tears were rolling down her cheeks. Damn hormones._

_"That's the thing," Andy said calmly. "My idea of the perfect day-simple and carefree with nothing on our schedule, just time for you and me. My idea of the perfect love is what we have right now- ups and downs, give and take….it all just works somehow. My idea of the perfect life," He stopped to make sure she was listening," is really simple too- I'm living it already every day with you." The minute was quiet. Neither one moved or said a word._

_Andy pulled his wife into a hug. She wrapped her arms around his waist; her head on his chest. He leaned down and kissed her head. The sweet smell of citrus filled his nose. He spoke words of love into her hair. "I married you for a reason, Sam. You proved to me that you would never give up." She leaned her head up and looked directly at him. "You never gave up after we lost our child, and you won't give up on our family." He wiped away her tears, and kissed her forehead. "I love you."_

_"I love you too." She smiled into his kiss._

"So let me get this straight," Sharon stopped to see if he was okay with her captioning the story. He gave her a nod. "You were married to a woman, Sam Hawthorne who was your partner and no one knew about your marriage. She got pregnant twice, one of the two times, the baby died? Where is this child now?"

Sharon hit a soft spot. She saw his head lower and facial features change. "You don't have to tell me. I know that was a wrong question to ask. Sorry." She apologized.

"It's not you, I'm just not quite at terms with her death even though it has been many years since she past."

She smiled, "That name was rather familiar. Samantha Hawthorne, right?" She looked at him questioningly.

"Correct"

"Hm I'll probably figure it out later." Raydor checked her watch. "Oh it's getting rather late. I'm afraid I must go." She stood up and walked to the door. She stopped in the door frame with the door wide open. Andy was left drinking his drink. "You know you can talk to me anytime right?" She felt bad for not recognizing a fellow officer in pain. He gave her a nod. "Well then, good night Lieutenant." She walked out of the door.

Andy was alone now. He pulled the picture out once more. He stared at the ultra sound picture and then back to the young woman. Flynn spoke softly to them as if they could hear him, "I love and miss you, Samantha and Claire." After a few minutes, he stuffed the picture back into his pocket and walked out the door.


End file.
